My Journey
– A Life in His Favour

To any who might be wary, because I once supported that wicked system known only too well to some of us, I say,

• in Paul's words: "but mercy was shown me because I did it ignorantly, in unbelief", 1 Timothy 1: 13.

See Ministry: J. Taylor 4 – An address 'The Holy Spirit's Activities in Relation to the Gentiles' - Acts 8: 29, 39; 10: 19, 20, 44-46; 13: 1-4. Brethren have long considered the locality in which ministry was given as significant and, in this instance, to me the date is also. J.T. gave the address in Toronto on November 11, 1929, the very place and date of my birth. At that time my parents were not believers and had no knowledge of the brethren. When I came upon this address many years ago the reference in the last paragraph to Psalm 87: 6, "This man was born there", confirmed me that God's eye had been upon me from the outset for blessing. I understood, to a degree, Paul's feelings when he could speak of "God, who set me apart [even] from my mother's womb, and called [me] by his grace …", Galatians 1: 15.   GAR

Then, in a gospel meeting, a visiting missionary taught serious doctrinal error touching the Person of the Lord Jesus and the bearing of His work on the cross.

• After the meeting, I remonstrated with him to no avail.

• Elder brothers all admitted privately that there was serious error but refused to refute it publicly.

• After waiting in vain for some action – not breaking bread but attending the meetings – I had no alternative but to act 2 Timothy 2 and withdraw from iniquity.

• That was in the spring of 1950. I was only 20 years old and – except for God – alone.

Earlier, I had attended meetings of brethren who valued the ministry of FER, JT and CAC, and felt some attraction.

• The hospitality and friendliness of the brethren had particularly impressed me in my aloneness.

• I resumed my attendance and later, in August 1950, began to break bread with them.

• There I met Betty. We were married on Tuesday, August 28, 1951.

• Four of the young men with whom I had been meeting on Saturdays later followed.

We thought that we were right and that the Lord would confirm us, but it was just the opposite.

• Feeding on the others' failures – meeting regularly, then sporadically – we sank into the world, as did Lot.

• Six years of spiritual darkness ensued – a nightmare of despondency – in which we suffered bitterly.

• God granted repentance at last, and in the spring of 1959 we returned.

When the exposure took place at those meetings in July 1970 we were deceived by the explanatory lies.

• But in October 1970, my conscience was convicted of the sectarianism, clericalism, legality and harshness.

• Our earlier experience raised fears that if we left 'the position' we would go into the world.

• Three months later, those who had withdrawn in July were called "garbage" and we withdrew – not knowing where we were going.

Our present judgment and knowledge of the pretension that existed would not have allowed us to walk with them.

• I waited on the Lord that the pretension would be met and corrected by the ministry of the word.

• This did not come about. Many who ministered either promoted or condoned the pretension and, to a lesser degree, some features of the system we had left.

• In the next division – 1972 – we concluded that we could not go with either side.

Fearing more sorrow, we concluded that we could not identify ourselves with any brethren from our background.

• What then were we to do? It is clear now that quiet waiting on the Lord was the proper course. But that was then – and this is now.

I longed for Christian companionship, and allowed my need to override my responsibility to the Lord – to overwhelm my conscience and the convictions that had first moved me as a young man in 1950, and later in recovery in 1959.

I questioned the ministry of the recovery – questioning God's operations in the revival – not to justify leaving but

• to blame it for the catastrophe that had come upon us,

• then to ease my conscience as I sought companionship with believers in companies marked by doctrines and practices of which I had once had a judgment.

I am ashamed of the way I rationalized – questioning and then surrendering truths that had once been and, thank God, are again, blessed and precious to my soul –

• speaking against ministry of some beloved servants – ministry I had once cherished as from the Lord,

• attempting to convince some – with whom I corresponded – to follow my twisted reasoning.

• Convictions as to truth cannot be lightly cast aside, but the enemy's powerful weapon of disillusionment – against which I had warned others – overcame me.

• It is difficult to believe that one could thus go so far astray – but it was possible – and it did happen.

For 6 to 7 years I tried to work matters out with several groups, one after another, for the sake of companionship,

• accommodating myself – really compromising – to many situations I once would not have condoned.

• Many of the individuals were personally estimable and I made some friendships I still value.

• But – predictably – each attempt failed. I was like the prodigal son, David among the Philistines, Samson in the prison.

But thanks be to God who, in His sovereignty, worked to extricate me from my miserable estate in three specific ways:

• He gave me the opportunity and responsibility of guiding some young believers into the truths I had betrayed but was now beginning to value again – some did not continue but a few remained, committed;

• He raised issues in my then connections which, even in my state of departure, I could not accept;

• He recovered one of my earliest friends out of the world, putting us in contact after more than ten years.

I began to retrace my steps and, with the Spirit's help, saw again the unparalleled value of the ministry of the recovery.

We came in contact with some old brethren – known before – who had separated in 1960, but who by then had no links elsewhere.